Well, much to my own amazement, I won! I am a national champion, even if that's only an age group national champion. In some ways, I'm still in disbelief because I just never though I could win this. There is that logical side that looked at the run and bike split times and said, yes, I can do that. But then there was also my inner monologue/self confidence voice that said, "you will never win!" After last year, I thought: that's my fate, always 2nd, 3rd or 4th place. I'm not that person who wins at a big race like this. I also got psyched out thinking about all these 60 year old guys, just like me, who are very fit and fast, just like me, but who have the self confidence to know they can win. There is also a part of me that wants to say it was a fluke, that the really fast guys didn't show up this year, etc...
But now looking back at the race stats, I actually was kind of dominant. My first run was ok, about the same as last year, and my bike was ok (3rd fastest, but way behind Tom Resh in 2nd who was 2 mph faster). I had a panic attack when Tom passed me with 3 or 4 miles to go in the bike, but what stands out is the final run (6:11/mile average and the 2nd mile was 5:51). I averaged a faster pace then the first run and put almost 3 minutes on Tom in 2nd place! I didn't know I could do that at the end of a hard race like this. I usually cramp up and at least start the second run at a crawl. I have to rethink my lack of self confidence in racing. I also thought a lot about my Mom. There was a mocking bird singing right near my transition spot that I imagined was a sign from my mom, encouraging me!
The person I most need to thank is my wife. She wouldn't let me come to this race alone. Even though it was a big sacrifice for both of us to be gone this weekend (missing work and with all the kids activities), she insisted that we dive together. That turned out to be a really great because we had a nice time together and really enjoyed Greenville. Had I come alone, I would have likely sat in the hotel watching TV most of the time. Plus, it was really motivating to see her cheering me on at the critical point coming out of T-2. My kids also put up with all my training and those periods of extreme exhaustion after hard workouts on Sundays. And of course, we couldn't have gone if my brother-in-law, Fo and mother-in-law, Abi, hadn't helped look after the kids.
There is still the problem of the post-race depression. Always an issue for me, but particularly bad this time because I put so much time, effort and energy into this race. This has been my focus for more that 3 years. I imagined this race in my mind and thought about the possibility of wining as a carrot dangling in front of me for motivation all year. I had I-heart-radio playlists and YouTube playlists devoted to this race. At other races, I imagined myself in the race as motivation for those races. Now what? I guess I'll do what I always do: start looking for another race. But I've got to try and enjoy this moment, its so fleeting, it will be gone in no time and then back to the grind!
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